its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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