he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
