did you get engaged???
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
