A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
