That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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