eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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