She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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