maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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