I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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