My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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