i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
