You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
