No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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