After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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