mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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