I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
