Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So much rum. So many feels.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
