You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am midnight drunk by noon
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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