Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize