Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
