Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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