I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
