the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
