I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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