Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
