dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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