I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
