oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
