I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize