god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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