all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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