Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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