you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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