Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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