My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im holly from the hills drunk
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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