I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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