my mouth tastes like poor choices
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
