Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
