i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize