I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
