farters have to be the big spoon...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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