But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize