dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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