Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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