I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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