you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
