do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
