Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
