your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize