u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She needs sedatives and a leash
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
