Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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