I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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