Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize