i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
