I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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