You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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