I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
