you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
