apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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