so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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