Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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