I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
