Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
