Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
