look no pants
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I am naked and annoyed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
