Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
