I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
