i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Floor bacon is actually really good
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
