no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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