we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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