You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
