I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
