apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
