Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
